Real and Transgender

Back in the castle, an understandably frightened, confused, and angry Soma Cruz had made a demand of him: “I want to know everything”. It wasn’t an unreasonable request and yet, months later, Arikado still had not entirely fulfilled it. He was disappointed in himself, but not surprised that he hadn’t yet worked up the courage to tell the boy he was a reincarnation of his father. Arikado’s problem-solving ability began and ended at going to bed about it.

Currently, his contact with Soma was sparse. The pair had exchanged phone numbers after escaping from the castle. The idea behind it was that Soma could easily get ahold of him should he find himself in any trouble, but so far their only communication had consisted of Soma demanding to see pictures of his cat after finding out about the feline’s existence from Yoko (Arikado obliged, naturally). Aside from the exchange of cat pictures and occasionally bumping into each other en route to the Hakubas, their paths did not often cross.

It wasn’t as though Arikado didn’t want to know him better. Soma was a good kid, and deserved a strong support system for the unique struggles he was facing. But there wasn’t much support he could provide while he was being a damned coward.

And so Arikado found himself lurking outside Hakuba Shrine, both hoping for and dreading a run-in with Soma. This was obviously not a good place for the “your past life was my father” conversation, but he could at least plan for a more extended meeting. He’d prefer not to have to text Soma about this, he was much more comfortable with conversations about Dracula things taking place in person in case something went awry. Doing things in this manner did nothing for his nerves, but if he must, he would do it. Unless Soma failed to show and he therefore had an excuse to at least temporarily give up and take a nap.

In an occurrence of debatable fortune, he caught sight of Soma. The teen quickly noticed him as well, and his face broke into a grin. Their relationship had been frosty at best in the castle. Yoko told him that Soma had at multiple points referred to him in conversations with her as a “cryptic asshole”, which was fair. He was pretty sure Julius had called him the exact same thing once. However, an apology on his part and Soma telling him that he mostly understood why he did what he did seemed to have mended this shaky foundation. Arikado could only hope what he was about to tell Soma didn’t ruin things. His chest twisted. Despite his long stint at living a detached lifestyle, Arikado didn’t like the thought of losing this almost-friendship.

“Hey Arikado!” Soma called, walking over to him.

“Hello Soma,” he replied, “What brings you here?”

“Just going for a walk. Might go hang out with Mina later. Why, what are you doing here?”

“Hoping to find you, as it were. Soma, I have something important to tell you.” Soma cocked his head curiously, and Arikado steeled himself. There was no reason to be nervous, he wasn’t even planning on saying everything right now.

“What is it?”

“This is not an ideal place for this conversation but… the man you know me as, Genya Arikado, is not who I truly am. A few know me by another name, and it’s time I told you about it. Tell me Soma, do you like ice cream?”

Soma looked completely lost in his own head. After a moment, he seemed to snap back, and nodded.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I do.”

Well, it was only natural he was a little shocked still more secrets were being kept from him. “Would you like to go out for some soon? There’s a good place nearby. We can talk at length then. I can make time whenever it is convenient.”

“I’ll have to check, but I think I’m free Wednesday afternoon if you are…?”

“I have already told you that is not an issue. I look forward to seeing you then. And… I apologize for not discussing this with you sooner.”

Soma threw up his hands apologetically. “No, no, don’t worry about it! I get it, it’s alright. I’m glad you’re telling me.”

Arikado was too relieved this conversation wasn’t already going down in flames to process the odd nature of Soma’s reaction. He wished the boy farewell, and Soma gave him a warm, genuine smile in return. He could only hope things continued to go this well.

Soma had gotten pretty used to batshit things happening to him lately, including but not limited to going inside an eclipse, seeing more skeletons than the average paleontologist, finding out one of the more tolerable books he read in English class was a true story, finding out he was a reincarnation of the villain of said book, throwing hands with a senior citizen and also an Eldritch abomination, and getting an explanation for why he’d had a special interest in bats since elementary school. Maybe short of finding out all other adaptations of Dracula were also real and he had some connection with Adam Sandler, Soma didn’t think there was anything else in the world that could cause him to become so lost in thought he would accidentally shoplift, but here he was. His head still spun as he sipped the ill-gotten soda he’d been going to the convenience store for.

Holy shit Arikado is trans??

Well, his choice of words had certainly been a strange way to imply that, but Soma had no other theories. The day Arikado started making sense would be the day he died. Or no, would that be she? They?

Soma still had some trouble thinking of Arikado as a real person and not a humorless unknowable enigma (although learning they had a small orange cat named Francesca helped). Suddenly finding out that the two of them shared something so important…

He was honored to be trusted with this, but he wished Arikado had given him a little more information. What did they want to be called? Did anyone already know about this? Arikado implied some others did. Who? Yoko and Julius? Maybe he could ask them about what he should call Arikado so he didn’t upset them? No, what if they didn’t know? That would be outing Arikado! He couldn’t do that!

Invariably, thinking about Arikado for too long gave his head a funny feeling, as though something was bubbling just out of reach. That was also something worth looking into.

Soma shook his head like an Etch a Sketch. He was overthinking this. He should just go to Mina’s like he planned and try to have a good time there. Wednesday would come soon enough, and he would get his answers then. Hopefully.

Mina had originally invited him over that day in a vain attempt to study for a math test. Both of their grades had taken a hit after recent events. In Soma’s opinion, math was bullshit and they should both automatically graduate for dealing with Dracula’s castle and maybe skip college too. Unfortunately, the academic system didn’t agree with him, and trying to get studying done at Mina’s house was far too optimistic. It only took a few minutes for them to give up and for Mina to start rifling through her game collection for something better to do.

“Hey Soma, did you see Arikado earlier?” she asked. Soma, who had been trying very hard not to think about Arikado, jumped.

“Oh, yeah, I did. Why do you ask?”

“I saw him wandering around outside. Normally he’s heading to the shrine, but I don’t think I saw him go in this time. Do you know what he was doing here?”

Did Mina know about this? She had known Arikado a lot longer than him after all. But could he risk it?

“Nope!” he said, far too loudly. Mina raised her eyebrows at him.

“That couldn’t have been less convincing if you tried.” Her gaze softened. “We agreed not to keep secrets from each other, right? We’re figuring this out together. You can tell me anything, and I’ll never think any less of you. You’re my friend Soma.”

A warm, heavy feeling settled in his chest. He could never be grateful enough for the people in his life who were doing their best to help him. But this time, he was not the person in need of such love and support.

“I would tell you, I swear, but… I don’t think I can? I’ll find out later, maybe, I’m not really sure. You might already know. Do you know? No, you wouldn’t know what I’m talking about unless I told you but I can’t tell you-”

“Hey, easy there, it’s alright, I promise-”

“Ok, thoughts on the concept of transgenderism? Real cool huh?” Soma blurted out, again far too loudly.

Mina stared at him. Soma stared at Mina.

“Soma, are you trying to come out to me again?”

Soma bluescreened. “No???”

“Then what are you talking about?”

This was a trainwreck.

“It’s Arikado! I think Arikado just came out to me!”

Mina blinked. “Oh. Well, good for her. Is it her now?”

“I have no idea, they didn’t tell me. You know Arikado, they only communicate by saying something vague and then fucking off. I was hoping you might know something.”

As he feared, Mina shook her head. “I don’t, I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s alright, Arikado probably just needs a little more time to work up to telling you properly.”

Soma sighed. “You’re right, you’re right. It’s just… there’s already something weird about Arikado to me, remember me telling you about that? Like whenever I look at them, it’s like I’m about to remember something. This whole thing… feels like it’s something I already know about? Except not? Somehow? That’s probably why I’m so jumpy, sorry.”

Mina placed a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Relax. Arikado will tell you everything when they’re ready, I’m sure.” A sly smile worked its way across her lips as she continued. “Anyway, I don’t think you have any room to judge anyone on how vague they are about coming out, Mr. ‘I just told my parents I had something to tell them and then forced them to play 20 questions until they got it right’.” Mina’s smile vanished as a couch pillow made contact with her face. She let out a yelp, then playfully tossed it back at Soma.
Time always seemed to melt away when he was with his dear friend. For at least a few hours, Soma was able to put the Arikado-shaped cloud of confusion out of his head. It did not stop him from failing his math test.

Vampires tended to be fond of the cold, it was why there was such an abundance of them in dreary, chilly northern Europe. If more of them had the chance, Arikado believed that they would quite enjoy ice cream. He certainly did. Maria had introduced it to him long ago, and the craft had improved in the last few hundred years. Part of the reason he arrived at the ice cream place earlier than the time he’d given Soma was so he’d have a chance to enjoy his frozen treat in case things went sour later. The other part of the reason was to give himself more time to psyche himself up.

No matter what he said, this would certainly come as a terrible shock to the poor boy, and Arikado was notoriously terrible at the whole saying the right thing to people ordeal. May the two scoops of black raspberry bring him strength.

Eventually, Soma arrived, looking apologetic.

“Sorry I’m late, there was a cool bug.”

“You’re not late, I’m simply early. Please, get yourself something.”

“I’m not late?” Soma pulled his phone out of his pocket, presumably to check the time. “Oh shit, I’m not. Apology retracted then. Is this your treat?”

Why not? Arikado nodded, and Soma left to make his order. He came back a moment later with a monstrous concoction of cookie dough and hot fudge that he immediately started digging into. Oh, to be a teenager with a bottomless stomach and no respect for others' finances.

“Now, I am certain you will have questions,” Arikado began, trying to keep his voice as even as he could. “But please, allow me to explain myself.”

Soma nodded. “Sure,” he said around a mouthful of ice cream, “Could I ask you one thing first though? Before we start talking?”

“Of course. What is it?”

“What are your pronouns?”

Arikado wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that.

“Excuse me?” he answered, after a moment of recovering from the sensation of being verbally smacked in the side of the head with an unexpected folding chair.

“Sorry, sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, I just thought that would be a good thing to clarify before we get talking about this?”

This was… an odd interaction to be taking place several months after their meeting but it was at least considerate?

“I have experimented in the past, but I am currently content with he/him. If I may ask, where on earth is this coming from?”

Soma’s face was scrunched up in contemplation. “Ok, I’m just checking… but what exactly did you mean by ‘the man you know me as is not who I truly am, a few know me by another name’?”

Ah. He was a damned coward, and a damned fool as well it seemed. He put his face in his hands.

“Oh dear.”

“So… you weren’t trying to come out to me as trans. You’re not trans.”

“Oh no, I most certainly am, but I transitioned at least a good 500 years ago.”

“Oh, ok then!”

Soma took another bite of ice cream. Arikado finished his own, and went to dispose of the cup. He returned to Soma making an odd strangled noise.

“I’m sorry, did you say 500? Like, five and two zeros?”

Arikado sighed. This was a trainwreck. “I… did not intend to tell you in this manner, but yes, I am over 500 years old. Closer to 600 now that I think about it, but who keeps track of these things? I am a dhampir, the offspring of a vampire and a human. My true name… is Alucard.” He took a deep breath. “This has no bearing on how I see you, and I wish you to feel no guilt over this. My father… was Dracula.”

Soma’s face scrunched up even further than it already was, strengthening his resemblance to one Kermit the frog. Arikado braced himself for vitriol, for the spitting of well-deserved venom.

“Did you seriously name yourself your dad’s name backwards?”

“Is that it?”

“And Arikado is just the Japanese pronunciation of Alucard! What kind of cover name is that?”

“Do you have any questions that are not related to judging my choice of name?”

Soma paused. “Yeah. Can you turn into a bat?”

“I have not in some time, but I am able to do so, yes. But no, I will not be doing it right now, so don’t ask.” They didn’t need a repeat of the wildlife rehabilitation center incident. “You are… taking this remarkably well.”

Soma shrugged. “I’ll probably freak out more later, but right now I’m just in that state where you can only think ‘yeah that might as well happen’. You know?” Arikado did not know, and was deeply concerned, but allowed Soma to continue talking. “Ever since the eclipse, I’ve been having these, like, flashes. Like I remember things that didn’t happen to me, or I know bits of things I shouldn’t. Did you used to have long blond hair?”

“Yes, I did. It’s easier to take care of now, but a pain to keep dyeing.”

“You should bring it back one of these days. It fucked.”

“...Thank you.”

Soma finished his ice cream, confidently declared that he was going to regret this later, and went to throw his trash away. Arikado resumed speaking when he returned.

“I assume not every memory you’ve experienced has been as pleasant as… my hair, apparently. For this, I apologize. Do remember that they have no bearing on who you are as a person. You are Soma, and you are not responsible for the decisions of others. Do not forget this.”

Soma smiled. “Thank you, that’s… really nice to hear. Thanks for telling me about this, Alucard. No, that’s weird, can I call you Arikado? If you’re ok with it?”

“I have no preference.”

“Then thanks, Arikado. I… appreciate you telling me. Really.”

“And I appreciate your understanding, Soma. I know this must be difficult for you. Remember, you are welcome to seek my advice or ask me questions whenever you wish.”

“I do have another question, actually. Does anyone else know about this?”

“Yoko and Julius both know who I am, as do a few others in my line of work. Honestly, I’m amazed Yoko never let it slip to you.”

“Now that I think about it, I don’t think Yoko was actually talking about Hellsing all the times she said she was.”

Oh Yoko…

Soma continued speaking. “I know it wasn’t the point of this conversation at all, but thank you for uh, telling me about being trans. I know how hard that is. It means a lot. To know about this, I mean.”

Arikado had never excelled at reading people, but he could tell just how sincerely the boy was speaking. If Soma wanted to confide in him further about this in his own time, he would be only too happy to listen.

“Of course. I apologize for the confusing wording that led to the initial misunderstanding. It is something I need to work on.”

“Yeah, you do.”

And Soma could stand to work on being a little less blunt, but Arikado wasn’t going to just up and say that.

Still, despite it all, the conversation had ended up going rather well. Far better than he expected, as it were. Maybe today’s post-stressful situation nap wouldn’t need to be as long as they usually were. The two parted ways with plans to do this again, and Arikado returned to his home feeling lighter, more relaxed, determined to figure this out, and absolutely fucking exhausted. Yes, even if it was a shorter nap, there was no doubt he still needed one. Another of life’s little endless cycles. He didn’t mind this one too much. At least it was cozy.

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